Grey Rocking & Toxic People

Grey rocking--the act of becoming boring or uninteresting in order to not draw attention to yourself. Like a grey rock, you become dull.

It’s no secret that dramatic people feed off of others emotions. Any little reaction they can get out of you amps up their chaotic energy and gives them an edge. So when you have to live with or spend time around a really manipulative, controlling, or just outright toxic person; becoming small and uninteresting can be a lifesaver.

I grew up doing this, not knowing it had a name or even knowing why I did it. Although this may sound odd to someone who’s never lived with a truly toxic person--this was my defense, and I’m glad my tiny self figured out ways to get through such hard times. I learned that I was less likely to become the target of an energy-draining attack if I restricted or controlled my reactions.

To give you a sense of what my nonreaction would look like, I would not initiate conversations, not laugh, always keep my voice monotone, and would be extremely careful in choosing which facial expressions I showed (to seem unaffected). I wouldn’t open up, and when I had to interact with this person (and others I didn’t trust) I would try to keep it as short as possible; giving one-worded responses.

When other kids would tell me I lacked a personality, I believed them, and this (among other things) gave me the belief that something was wrong with me. Looking back, though, I can see exactly why this “zombie” state occurred. I’m obviously not an expert, so whether this is a healthy tool to use or not is beyond me. Sometimes it's just nice to know why we act the way we do.