Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)―Why Complex?

What is complex trauma?

Basically, it is prolonged or repeated trauma lasting several months or years. It is commonly the result of a traumatic childhood. Instead of one major traumatic event―as with PTSD―it is many events built up over time. Hence the complex part, since there are so many underlying layers.

When a child is raised in a dysfunctional and traumatic environment for a prolonged period of time, it often leaves them with deep wounds and can have serious lasting effects, CPTSD being one of them. Contrary to popular belief, fighting a war or living through one severe incident is not the only way an individual develops this condition.

What are symptoms of CPTSD? In my experience, CPTSD leaves deep lingering feelings of mistrust and makes the whole world feel unsafe. Because of this, I walk around in a constant state of hyperarousal. Anything loud or unexpected can send me spiraling into a slew of emotional flashbacks (covered in another post). This is utterly exhausting and typically means that I can only socialize a little bit before feeling completely drained and out of touch.

Some other symptoms someone may experience are: anxiety, dissociation, intense feelings of despair, depression, conflict avoidance, difficulty connecting with people/holding relationships, flashbacks, recurring nightmares, people pleasing, feeling like you don’t belong, etc.

While I have been diagnosed with this, I should note that the DSM (manual for mental health disorders) does not currently recognize CPTSD as a condition. This can pose challenges for those experiencing PTSD who endured maltreatment as a child―as it’s entirely possible to be diagnosed with the wrong condition and therefore receive incorrect treatment.

"The only way out is in." - Junot Diaz

I've spent too many years (twenty five to be exact) running away from myself, burying my past and trying to lock it away. I was constantly looking for an escape—working overtime, pleasure, alcohol—and frankly, I just didn’t realize how far removed I was from myself. After attending therapy and being forced to dig up old wounds I can finally see that I am not the issue. 

The road to healing can seem overwhelming and maybe even impossible at first, and I realize there's a long, messy road ahead of me. But nothing worthwhile comes easy, right? It is important to note that every individuals healing journey is uniquely theirs, so mine might look much different from yours. 

The book that I've benefited from the most is Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker. There is also cptsdfoundation.org, which has great information and resources available. If you are struggling with this, I urge you to seek professional care or even just reach out to someone to discuss what you're going through.