Dissociation: The Brain's Shield

Do you often find yourself “spacing out” for long periods? Feel a disconnection from yourself? Have you noticed large gaps of time missing, or even found yourself feeling confused about your identity? If so, keep reading! 

Brains are highly sophisticated organs that have developed ways to protect us, one such way being dissociation. When a person is subject to a traumatic environment, they may start to dissociate and feel a sort of disconnect from themselves and the people or environment around them. If that person is in that same stressful environment for a long period of time (usually children) they can develop a dissociation disorder; experiencing dissociation (the below symptoms) much more frequently. 

These symptoms include, but are not limited to, 

• Feeling distant/disconnected from your body & or emotionally numb

• Not able to remember things that have happened to you or having large gaps in memory

• Watching yourself from afar or having an “out of body” experience

• Feeling disconnected from the world

• Feeling confused about your identity or questioning who you really are

Dissociation affects people differently. I recall memories where it felt as if I was watching the experience unfold from outside of my body (like watching a movie). Or, frequent gaps in my life that I simply cannot remember. As a kid it also manifested as “zoning out,” you could say, where I would stay in one place for long periods of time, sometimes hours. Like, my body was in the same place but my mind had run off to go someplace else. 

In that space, I was able to go places I couldn't physically. Looking back, I believe I was doing this to create my own reality and to escape the current one I was in. I remember hours would pass so quickly sometimes when it felt like mere minutes had gone by. Episodes can last a few hours, several days, or sometimes even weeks. Everyone experiences it differently.

Although these symptoms sometimes make me feel crazy, I try to remember that this was my brain's way of protecting me. Because of this, it's sometimes my go-to way of coping now. Also, some people dissociate at a much deeper level and develop separate identities in order to survive (referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)). I have no personal experience with DID so I’m not going to go into it—but if any of this resonates with you, please seek professional care.

I've been told that some people are able to get out of dissociative episodes by doing grounding techniques to bring themselves back to the present moment. I think it's essential for us to figure out what triggers us into these dissociative states in the first place so that we can be better prepared for them. If we feel safe our brain wont have a reason to shield us. Lastly, if you’ve found something that works for you—please let me know in the comments! I’m still figuring all of this out as well.